دیگری در من / “The Other Within”

English Version:

Before I talk to you,
I want you to listen to me.
to my words,
to my voice,
to my eyes,
to my feelings,
Please, hear me.

*(She lowers her voice and looks around.)*

Honestly, I have a secret that I want to share with you.
I want to talk to you about two people I have been living with for a while.

The first person is… me. And the second person is me too.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking now: this girl is crazy! But no—
no, no, no.
I am completely fine. Just… please listen to me first, okay?
Before you judge me like all these doctors and nurses, just listen to me for a few minutes.

Sometimes I feel that another person lives inside me,
a person who is me… but different from me.

I feel her right here *(points to her heart)*
or even here *(points to her head).*
I don’t really know…

But somewhere inside me, another person lives.
Or maybe it’s me who lives inside her.
I don’t know.
I just know that I am not alone.

Sometimes
I hear voices—
the sound of shouting,
the sound of crying,
even the sound of laughing.

I hear words:
negative words… positive words,
bad words or pleasant words.

And sometimes… I don’t hear anything.
I hear silence.

When I close my eyes, these sounds get stronger,
as if these voices are coming from the darkness,
from inside me.

There is a darkness inside me.

I…
I am afraid.

I am afraid of sinking into this darkness forever,
or maybe I have already sunk into this darkness.

Oh… wait…

Can you hear me?
Yeah?
So… I’m here, right?
Ah… thank God…

Guys, I know this situation sounds really stupid, but…
but I want you to believe me.
Hear me… see me… feel me.
Don’t let me drown in darkness, okay?

Please… please love me.
I’m not crazy.
Can you love me?
I… I need to be loved.

*(She hears a voice…)*

Do you hear it too, right?
This voice?
I think it’s coming.
Please… please don’t listen to her.
She is me, but… not me.
Please… remember me…
That person isn’t me… okay?
That person…

Oh my God… how talkative can a person be?!

*(She holds her head and then looks at the audience.)*

Why are you looking at me like that??

Ah, right!

*(She sits on the chair.)*

You probably don’t have a good feeling about me now.
Do you think I am a liar?
A violent person?
Or even a murderer?

 (Laughing)*

Oh, never mind…

I am the same as the person I was a few seconds ago.
Of course, not exactly the same.
I am absolutely not a poor, scary mouse.

I am exactly what you see.

If you like, you can think I am a liar.
If you like, you can think I am rude.
If you like, you can think I’m crazy.

Because I don’t care about these things at all.

You know what?
Let me tell you something funny to get to know me better…

I have a mother… or maybe I should say I had one.

And guess what?
She hated me.

*(Laughter.)*

And I loved her hatred.
Because of this,
I always tried to make her hate me more…

I love people’s hatred…
I love that you hate me too.

All of you…

So wait and watch how I make you hate me more and more…

I remember that day clearly in my mind.
The day my mother hanged herself because of me…

*(Laughing.)*

And even the day before, I remember that my mother entered my room and said her last words to me.
She told me that she hated me so much and was going to leave me.
And the next day… she was really gone.

Are you thinking about my father now?

Well, I have to say that I don’t have a father.

My father left my mother,
just like the way my mother left me.

I remember the days when she cried because my mother was away.
I mean that person—
that poor, timorous mouse.

She was crying and shouting for someone to help her, but no one was there.
She just wanted simple love.
She wanted, for once, not to be left by anyone.

But there was no one to do that for her.
So… I came…

I came so that she would not be alone anymore.
I came to stop her from crying and being afraid.

But you know what happened?

Now… she is afraid of just one thing…
and that thing is… me!

She is trying her best with that stupid doctor to kill me.

But… they never know… just like you don’t know… that what they saw… it was me.

And the timorous mouse is already dead.

Yes… yes, ( ha..ha…) I was acting at first…

But… I said that you can think I am a liar.
I said that I am exactly what you see… didn’t I?